Tips: Know what it takes to love someone who has a broken heart

8/14/2018 0 Comments A+ a-

If you are someone who has thought of loving the one who has a broken heart. Let me appreciate you first, as far as I have seen, it takes a very strong man/woman to do what you are thinking of. Not everyone is strong enough to do it. It can even break you down because what the other person is going through is an emotional break down and it doesn't necessarily have to be someone with a failed relation, there are other circumstances for example parents divorce, death of someone very important, career crisis, failed marriage anything that takes away ones faith from love, humanity or even self. Here are the basic things you need to understand if you want to stick to what you have thought.

1. Negativity:

This phase may be outcome of above stated circumstances or anything else that led to him/her to this. The person is engulfed in negative aura and will engulf anyone who comes near. You need to buckle up your boots to not add on to the negativity by blaming them, or telling them that it is their fault, or telling them what they should have done. You need to understand that even you have to look forward in order to make them think differently rather then being stuck in what could have been done, what must be done now is more important. Take your daily dose of positivity and carry some extra for them too. The aura may not vanish but with time it will decrease.

2. Patience:

You need to understand that they keep repeating whatever they said again and again to an extent that they get tired of it themselves but cannot help not doing so. It is just a phase that they will come out of  it on their own but right now they really need to take it out especially if she is a woman/girl. The best help you can give is by being there if you cannot make them look forward, be there until they takeout every last bit of the reason why it hurts. The better they take it out the sooner they heal and are able to move one. They will feel much better. This will be hard for you because at times they just won't open up crediting to their experiences and it might actually take forever for it to happen. They will not make sense in this phase so you really need to have patience with them. You should understand that they aren't just going to be normal the other day and start loving you, it will take time to over come all the hurt, the insecurities to start again even if it is with the same person or new. This insecurities stay long even after he/she has started loving you, that is why you need to keep assuring her. It takes a strong person to actually hold on to a broken heart.

3. Assurance:

In this phase all they end up doing is directing all the negativity towards themselves and end up feeling worse. You need to provide constant assurance that she/he is more than what they think they are. Keep reminding them of all the good attributes about them, their achievements, keep assuring them that they will make through it. Make them feel good about themselves, encourage them, tell them there is something better waiting for them, read them motivating quotes, let them read on similar experiences shared by others so that they know they aren't the only one suffering (but do not tell them this let them understand it on their own). People everywhere are actually suffering from one thing or another. Assure that there are people who will never leave, like you or their family, close friends and let them know how much they mean to you all.

4. Love:

Here, loving will be so much difficult as you know that they are like empty cups and in order to fill them you have to fill them and on other hand you end up getting empty. So you need to take time for yourself to fill yourself and give them again. You cannot run away at this point, they really need you though they themselves never tell you because they don't even realize that at this moment. Its hard to make them trust someone new after what they have went through, or bring back faith in love, life or themselves when they have seen their world crashing in front of them. It will take time and a strong determination. You are at the opening and they are in dark pit, some grab your hand and come out some just do not and you have to wait way longer then you thought. You might want to give up at a point where you keep feeling like you are the only one loving but before giving up do think why you were here in the first place, this is the time they need you the most. 

5. Stay strong:

You have to be this strong savior because you never know when they are going to break down, or when they get anxiety attacks and just start being scared or just have an emotional outburst. They never mean to do that on their own it just happens. So you need to be strong for them as well.

6. Acceptance:

Acceptance gives them motivation to come back to their real self. Do not judge them for what was there in their past. Let them talk about it just hear when they tell with no judgement. If you cannot accept them with their past I strongly suggest you not to come in their life, someone who will accept them fully will come sooner or later because when you cannot accept them they will end up getting more hurt in future. They have already suffered so don't hold their hand if you are going to leave them in mid way.

7. Help in disguise:

Reach your hand out for help only when you really mean it because when you do show that you are actually trying to help them or do them a favor, may make them feel like a burden to you and might resist all the help and support and never come out of it. So be there without trying to prove that you are there because they need to be saved. 

8. Expectation:

What hurts the most is you expecting them to love you back, to give back when they are in this phase, they surely will once out of it but they just want to be loved, to be cared for, treated well when they were made to feel unworthy by someone else. Try to understand them, they might push you away or may be cling on to you too much. Keep the level of expectation to the minimum.
They will love when they heal, do not force them or expect that all that you put in will show results at times it takes way to long.

Tips: The positive side of a breakup

8/09/2018 0 Comments A+ a-

This phase usually puts everyone who loved and stayed into deep pit of insecurities, like you weren't enough, not beautiful, too short, to fat, messy hair, not social, no friends, too clingy, too weak but this is what a person who loved and left makes you feel not what actually you are. They treat you like a game, a problem that has no answer, a trophy long longed for and when they get you and feel like there is nothing that excites them they turn to another problem to solve. For some it takes a few months and for some way too long, long enough as in six years/ten years/twelve years. These people are of that level trying to put someone like you down but staying there will make them a winner so just remember there has to be a reason why it did not work out, sometimes you need to see your life from a different angle. I would like to dedicate this blog to the girl who asked me " Was she not enough?" and others who are going through this phase.Girl it is and will always be his loss. You are beautiful in and out. You do not need to give in to the ideas of idle beauty, it keeps changing. the person who sees beauty in you has it in her/him the beauty the rest are just trying to copy and fit in what the world has defined beauty as, which does not exist.

1. You:

This is the perfect time to think about yourself. When was the last time you did something you loved? The last time you had a good laugh, a great cup of coffee, listened to your own thoughts, bought your favorite book, your favorite food, when was it that you felt alive? You always give in to the needs of others, you make them your priority, your only reason, but now you have the time for yourself. What is the first thing you are going to do? Afraid of being alone but see it is you who have stayed when everybody left even if it is just to bear the pain but you stayed and you will stay so why not love yourself the way you deserve, the way you loved why not love yourself for once.

2. Challenge yourself:

You have been in your comfort zone  way too long being afraid of what people will say? When is it that they haven't? Too happy they will comment, sad, success, loss, death, birth they will say things but that shows who they are not who you are so stop putting emphasis on people and live your life the way you want to. You only have one life. Do something good today. Begin by loving yourself. Challenge yourself I know you have been letting yourself down because you are worth everything. Do not let people define you when you know who you are and you are amazing. go ahead try the thing that scars you the most. I have a friend who has way too many phobias but she is  happy that she is conquering it, she did think she couldn't, until recently. So go out there be the hero that you always were.

3. You grow:

Some where we all are guilty of putting too much effort for others and so less for yourself. This phase will actually help you grow. Once you divert all the efforts to yourself , you realize that are so much to be done and you were just stagnant trying to grow roots where you couldn't even grab handful of soil. You will see there is a wonderful garden that is waiting for you. You need the right environment to grow and you realize that it is only you who can give you that environment. So see yourself grow to the fullest and lay mesmerized. You forgive people who hurt you. You grow spiritually.

4. You learn:

You learn things about yourself, to what level you can go to save  a wrong relation, to what level you can go to love the person who can just dump you over a text, a person who can cheat yet pretend to love you all the time, a person who lies despite of you knowing the truth, a person who makes excuses rather than efforts. Imagine what you can do for the right one who actually loves you and your broken heart. You realize your worth. You realize who you actually are apart from someones lover, who you are as a human.You learn that you are always loved by your family, they accept you for who you are. You learn to respect them more. You should realize that you shouldn't change rather grow. You learn how to empathize with people. You understand what it is like to be left a broken heart that you will think twice before doing so and put an effort to save things.

 5. Friends:

You usually end up cutting off your friends but you see they actually come for your rescue, they always do. So go ahead and call them and have a good talk, you see who your real friends are because whom you thought of your friends and family usually end up taking sides but the one who stayed are worth treasuring, value them. 

Tips: How To Move On From A Bad Breakup

8/07/2018 4 Comments A+ a-

Moving on may sound easy when you tell your friends to do it but when it is you convincing yourself to move on, it is the hardest thing to do even harder than actually moving on. You can actually help a friend out of it but doing so for yourself will seem much harder until and unless you realize that it is you who has to do it at the end. It is you who has to pick yourself up from the pit that the other person dumped you in the pit of insecurities, the pit of feeling used, the pit of feeling worthless and move forward. Look at your friends every one went through one thing or the other and they have survived, so know that no matter how big and bad the breakup was it is not going to kill you because the pain is in your head, the psychological pain is actually harder to deal but not strong enough to kill you unless you take other measures to. Just know that suicide is just passing down your pain to the person who loves you the most not the one who dumped you over a text or a phone. you live or you die the bitter truth is the one who dumped you has already moved on and you no longer matter. Though we go through different ways of dealing with breakups but here are a few things that will actually help you to move on and a bit faster than you should.

1. Analyse yourself:

Sit down and ask these basic questions to yourself,
1.Why am I hurting?
2. What was my contribution to this? 
3.Why are you blaming yourself?
4. What was suppose to happen?
5. What actually happened?
6. What did you want to happen?
7. What do you want now to happen?
8. Will the result that you want will make you happy or is it a rash decision?
9. Will you love and trust the person again?
10. Do you know people never change?
11. What are your plans for yourself now?
12. Do I deserve somebody who cheated on me?
13. What worth am I?
Ask yourself these questions, deep down take time and analyse what you want to do about your life. All this time you were somebody's shadow how will you grab the opportunity to have the limelight.

2. What Next?

When you are in the phase you usually tend to forget that life keeps moving on along with you or without you. I am not saying you to just not grieve and pretend there is no pain the longer you deny it the longer it keeps coming back and haunt you so accept it and slowly let go but do not forget that it is only you whose life is actually being stuck the other person is already out there enjoying his/her part of life. Do not ruin it for somebody else that one day you look back at this phase with regret. Have a plan for the next day, if you are student do not miss out on your daily studies, or if working do not take off, the busier you are, your mind keeps being distracted. Every body knows that people usually fall back lock themselves in room but the sooner you realize to come out of it the better.

3. Do not stay alone:

Staying alone may actually look like a better option as you feel betrayed, as you no longer can trust people, as you feel no body understands you but the best way of healing is actually letting out the pain even if it is thousand times on repeated version to same person or not but just let out until you feel you are done with it. Even if you do not want to just tag along with your good friends, staying alone all your mind does to you is show the vivid images of what things should have been but realize it did not  means it never was meant to and if you both are meant to be why waste time thinking about it when one day things will eventually fall into place at least do not let them come back to you and say "nothing changed" show them you did and in a better way.

4. Not everybody has to know:

This tips was handed down to me by the experts that not everyone who puts up an ear for you will empathize with your situation. Most of them just want a good gossip to be passed around. This the phase you want to let out emotion to every other person and want them to feel something for you but not everybody cares and always know everybody has their own problem. Just like you let success do the talking let people look at you and wonder how did you manage to do it because one fine day truth will come out and you no longer have to explain what happened. Just let the world see a stronger you.

5. Do not get attached:

More than half of the people who know your story do not even care so do not let their sympathy fool you. Wait until you are healed because the person who left usually makes you feel unwanted, worthless, not enough and all you need is people to tell you it wasn't your fault, you are fine the way you are. Listen carefully do not let somebody validate your existence, YOU yes YOU are a diamond and you shine, the more cuts you have the costlier you are. Remember it never is your loss and it never will be. This is the right time for you to invest on yourself all the attention, the energy, the love, the care, the support. Do not shy away from new experiences. Learn to love yourself first. No body loves you the way do and one thing is sure everybody leaves but you remain even if it is just to bear the pain and heal but you remain so put more effort on what stays rather than the ones who leave. Closed eyes cannot see what an art you are.

6. Accept and forgive:

Accept you made mistake and forgive yourself first. Touch your heart and say aloud " I was a fool to let somebody hurt me and a fool that I hurt myself too but I forgive myself today" accept that you  are in pain but do not let it keep you down let it be the step that helps you move forward. and forgive those who hurt you it was their level but you know yours so let them go it is the hardest to do but you can.

7. Books over Music:

Usually I write about music in good connotation but when you are sad every other song seems to relate and make it harder for you but there are a few songs like "sit still look pretty- Daya, Mr. Almost Meghan Trainor" so I would rather say stick to books like Rupi kaur and other authors which I shall update in my upcoming blogs.

8. Travel:

Travel to new places, gain new experiences but do not use travel as an escape because like my brother said travelling is never an escape; how long can you run away from something when deep within you know you have to come back to the same place and wear the same shoe, face the same people, same routine but travel because you want to gain new experiences, travelling alone is one of the must do things in ones life. There is nothing as beautiful as that feeling may be that is only for me but it is a must try. Do put amazing places in your bucket list. (Sikkim never fails to amaze you) . If you want some help with travelling alone please check tips on travelling alone I hope it will be of some help to you. Every journey has something new to teach you.

9. Pet:

If you are my regular reader you will know by now that I put so much emphasis on having pets. They are loyal than some humans out there. So invest all the love you have in them and they will always give you so much in return. Even if they don not stay like my cat Coffee who ran away but what he has given me still puts a smile on my face. Happy memories of mine. If you are a busy person, you can go for cats ( I have written about it too why having a cat as a pet is better Why cats are the idle pets) or fish or may be why not just love a stray dog at least feed it when you can or adopt a dog it will love you always.