Tips: Know what it takes to love someone who has a broken heart

If you are someone who has thought of loving the one who has a broken heart. Let me appreciate you first, as far as I have seen, it takes a very strong man/woman to do what you are thinking of. Not everyone is strong enough to do it. It can even break you down because what the other person is going through is an emotional break down and it doesn't necessarily have to be someone with a failed relation, there are other circumstances for example parents divorce, death of someone very important, career crisis, failed marriage anything that takes away ones faith from love, humanity or even self. Here are the basic things you need to understand if you want to stick to what you have thought.

1. Negativity:

This phase may be outcome of above stated circumstances or anything else that led to him/her to this. The person is engulfed in negative aura and will engulf anyone who comes near. You need to buckle up your boots to not add on to the negativity by blaming them, or telling them that it is their fault, or telling them what they should have done. You need to understand that even you have to look forward in order to make them think differently rather then being stuck in what could have been done, what must be done now is more important. Take your daily dose of positivity and carry some extra for them too. The aura may not vanish but with time it will decrease.

2. Patience:

You need to understand that they keep repeating whatever they said again and again to an extent that they get tired of it themselves but cannot help not doing so. It is just a phase that they will come out of  it on their own but right now they really need to take it out especially if she is a woman/girl. The best help you can give is by being there if you cannot make them look forward, be there until they takeout every last bit of the reason why it hurts. The better they take it out the sooner they heal and are able to move one. They will feel much better. This will be hard for you because at times they just won't open up crediting to their experiences and it might actually take forever for it to happen. They will not make sense in this phase so you really need to have patience with them. You should understand that they aren't just going to be normal the other day and start loving you, it will take time to over come all the hurt, the insecurities to start again even if it is with the same person or new. This insecurities stay long even after he/she has started loving you, that is why you need to keep assuring her. It takes a strong person to actually hold on to a broken heart.

3. Assurance:

In this phase all they end up doing is directing all the negativity towards themselves and end up feeling worse. You need to provide constant assurance that she/he is more than what they think they are. Keep reminding them of all the good attributes about them, their achievements, keep assuring them that they will make through it. Make them feel good about themselves, encourage them, tell them there is something better waiting for them, read them motivating quotes, let them read on similar experiences shared by others so that they know they aren't the only one suffering (but do not tell them this let them understand it on their own). People everywhere are actually suffering from one thing or another. Assure that there are people who will never leave, like you or their family, close friends and let them know how much they mean to you all.

4. Love:

Here, loving will be so much difficult as you know that they are like empty cups and in order to fill them you have to fill them and on other hand you end up getting empty. So you need to take time for yourself to fill yourself and give them again. You cannot run away at this point, they really need you though they themselves never tell you because they don't even realize that at this moment. Its hard to make them trust someone new after what they have went through, or bring back faith in love, life or themselves when they have seen their world crashing in front of them. It will take time and a strong determination. You are at the opening and they are in dark pit, some grab your hand and come out some just do not and you have to wait way longer then you thought. You might want to give up at a point where you keep feeling like you are the only one loving but before giving up do think why you were here in the first place, this is the time they need you the most. 

5. Stay strong:

You have to be this strong savior because you never know when they are going to break down, or when they get anxiety attacks and just start being scared or just have an emotional outburst. They never mean to do that on their own it just happens. So you need to be strong for them as well.


6. Acceptance:

Acceptance gives them motivation to come back to their real self. Do not judge them for what was there in their past. Let them talk about it just hear when they tell with no judgement. If you cannot accept them with their past I strongly suggest you not to come in their life, someone who will accept them fully will come sooner or later because when you cannot accept them they will end up getting more hurt in future. They have already suffered so don't hold their hand if you are going to leave them in mid way.


7. Help in disguise:


Reach your hand out for help only when you really mean it because when you do show that you are actually trying to help them or do them a favor, may make them feel like a burden to you and might resist all the help and support and never come out of it. So be there without trying to prove that you are there because they need to be saved. 





8. Expectation:

What hurts the most is you expecting them to love you back, to give back when they are in this phase, they surely will once out of it but they just want to be loved, to be cared for, treated well when they were made to feel unworthy by someone else. Try to understand them, they might push you away or may be cling on to you too much. Keep the level of expectation to the minimum.
They will love when they heal, do not force them or expect that all that you put in will show results at times it takes way to long.

Tips: The positive side of a breakup

This phase usually puts everyone who loved and stayed into deep pit of insecurities, like you weren't enough, not beautiful, too short, to fat, messy hair, not social, no friends, too clingy, too weak but this is what a person who loved and left makes you feel not what actually you are. They treat you like a game, a problem that has no answer, a trophy long longed for and when they get you and feel like there is nothing that excites them they turn to another problem to solve. For some it takes a few months and for some way too long, long enough as in six years/ten years/twelve years. These people are of that level trying to put someone like you down but staying there will make them a winner so just remember there has to be a reason why it did not work out, sometimes you need to see your life from a different angle. I would like to dedicate this blog to the girl who asked me " Was she not enough?" and others who are going through this phase.Girl it is and will always be his loss. You are beautiful in and out. You do not need to give in to the ideas of idle beauty, it keeps changing. the person who sees beauty in you has it in her/him the beauty the rest are just trying to copy and fit in what the world has defined beauty as, which does not exist.

1. You:

This is the perfect time to think about yourself. When was the last time you did something you loved? The last time you had a good laugh, a great cup of coffee, listened to your own thoughts, bought your favorite book, your favorite food, when was it that you felt alive? You always give in to the needs of others, you make them your priority, your only reason, but now you have the time for yourself. What is the first thing you are going to do? Afraid of being alone but see it is you who have stayed when everybody left even if it is just to bear the pain but you stayed and you will stay so why not love yourself the way you deserve, the way you loved why not love yourself for once.

2. Challenge yourself:

You have been in your comfort zone  way too long being afraid of what people will say? When is it that they haven't? Too happy they will comment, sad, success, loss, death, birth they will say things but that shows who they are not who you are so stop putting emphasis on people and live your life the way you want to. You only have one life. Do something good today. Begin by loving yourself. Challenge yourself I know you have been letting yourself down because you are worth everything. Do not let people define you when you know who you are and you are amazing. go ahead try the thing that scars you the most. I have a friend who has way too many phobias but she is  happy that she is conquering it, she did think she couldn't, until recently. So go out there be the hero that you always were.

3. You grow:

Some where we all are guilty of putting too much effort for others and so less for yourself. This phase will actually help you grow. Once you divert all the efforts to yourself , you realize that are so much to be done and you were just stagnant trying to grow roots where you couldn't even grab handful of soil. You will see there is a wonderful garden that is waiting for you. You need the right environment to grow and you realize that it is only you who can give you that environment. So see yourself grow to the fullest and lay mesmerized. You forgive people who hurt you. You grow spiritually.

4. You learn:

You learn things about yourself, to what level you can go to save  a wrong relation, to what level you can go to love the person who can just dump you over a text, a person who can cheat yet pretend to love you all the time, a person who lies despite of you knowing the truth, a person who makes excuses rather than efforts. Imagine what you can do for the right one who actually loves you and your broken heart. You realize your worth. You realize who you actually are apart from someones lover, who you are as a human.You learn that you are always loved by your family, they accept you for who you are. You learn to respect them more. You should realize that you shouldn't change rather grow. You learn how to empathize with people. You understand what it is like to be left a broken heart that you will think twice before doing so and put an effort to save things.


 5. Friends:



You usually end up cutting off your friends but you see they actually come for your rescue, they always do. So go ahead and call them and have a good talk, you see who your real friends are because whom you thought of your friends and family usually end up taking sides but the one who stayed are worth treasuring, value them. 

Tips: How To Move On From A Bad Breakup

Moving on may sound easy when you tell your friends to do it but when it is you convincing yourself to move on, it is the hardest thing to do even harder than actually moving on. You can actually help a friend out of it but doing so for yourself will seem much harder until and unless you realize that it is you who has to do it at the end. It is you who has to pick yourself up from the pit that the other person dumped you in the pit of insecurities, the pit of feeling used, the pit of feeling worthless and move forward. Look at your friends every one went through one thing or the other and they have survived, so know that no matter how big and bad the breakup was it is not going to kill you because the pain is in your head, the psychological pain is actually harder to deal but not strong enough to kill you unless you take other measures to. Just know that suicide is just passing down your pain to the person who loves you the most not the one who dumped you over a text or a phone. you live or you die the bitter truth is the one who dumped you has already moved on and you no longer matter. Though we go through different ways of dealing with breakups but here are a few things that will actually help you to move on and a bit faster than you should.

1. Analyse yourself:

Sit down and ask these basic questions to yourself,
1.Why am I hurting?
2. What was my contribution to this? 
3.Why are you blaming yourself?
4. What was suppose to happen?
5. What actually happened?
6. What did you want to happen?
7. What do you want now to happen?
8. Will the result that you want will make you happy or is it a rash decision?
9. Will you love and trust the person again?
10. Do you know people never change?
11. What are your plans for yourself now?
12. Do I deserve somebody who cheated on me?
13. What worth am I?
Ask yourself these questions, deep down take time and analyse what you want to do about your life. All this time you were somebody's shadow how will you grab the opportunity to have the limelight.


2. What Next?

When you are in the phase you usually tend to forget that life keeps moving on along with you or without you. I am not saying you to just not grieve and pretend there is no pain the longer you deny it the longer it keeps coming back and haunt you so accept it and slowly let go but do not forget that it is only you whose life is actually being stuck the other person is already out there enjoying his/her part of life. Do not ruin it for somebody else that one day you look back at this phase with regret. Have a plan for the next day, if you are student do not miss out on your daily studies, or if working do not take off, the busier you are, your mind keeps being distracted. Every body knows that people usually fall back lock themselves in room but the sooner you realize to come out of it the better.

3. Do not stay alone:

Staying alone may actually look like a better option as you feel betrayed, as you no longer can trust people, as you feel no body understands you but the best way of healing is actually letting out the pain even if it is thousand times on repeated version to same person or not but just let out until you feel you are done with it. Even if you do not want to just tag along with your good friends, staying alone all your mind does to you is show the vivid images of what things should have been but realize it did not  means it never was meant to and if you both are meant to be why waste time thinking about it when one day things will eventually fall into place at least do not let them come back to you and say "nothing changed" show them you did and in a better way.

4. Not everybody has to know:

This tips was handed down to me by the experts that not everyone who puts up an ear for you will empathize with your situation. Most of them just want a good gossip to be passed around. This the phase you want to let out emotion to every other person and want them to feel something for you but not everybody cares and always know everybody has their own problem. Just like you let success do the talking let people look at you and wonder how did you manage to do it because one fine day truth will come out and you no longer have to explain what happened. Just let the world see a stronger you.

5. Do not get attached:

More than half of the people who know your story do not even care so do not let their sympathy fool you. Wait until you are healed because the person who left usually makes you feel unwanted, worthless, not enough and all you need is people to tell you it wasn't your fault, you are fine the way you are. Listen carefully do not let somebody validate your existence, YOU yes YOU are a diamond and you shine, the more cuts you have the costlier you are. Remember it never is your loss and it never will be. This is the right time for you to invest on yourself all the attention, the energy, the love, the care, the support. Do not shy away from new experiences. Learn to love yourself first. No body loves you the way do and one thing is sure everybody leaves but you remain even if it is just to bear they pain and heal but you remain so put more effort on what stays rather than the ones who leave. Closed eyes cannot see what an art you are.

6. Accept and forgive:


Accept you made mistake and forgive yourself first. Touch your heart and say aloud " I was a fool to let somebody hurt me and a fool that I hurt myself too but I forgive myself today" accept that you  are in pain but do not let it keep you down let it be the step that helps you move forward. and forgive those who hurt you it was their level but you know yours so let them go it is the hardest to do but you can.

7. Books over Music:

Usually I write about music in good connotation but when you are sad every other song seems to relate and make it harder for you but there are a few songs like "sit still look pretty- Daya, Mr. Almost Meghan Trainor" so I would rather say stick to books like Rupi kaur and other authors which I shall update in my upcoming blogs.


8. Travel:


Travel to new places, gain new experiences but do not use travel as an escape because like my brother said travelling is never an escape; how long can you run away from something when deep within you know you have to come back to the same place and wear the same shoe, face the same people, same routine but travel because you want to gain new experiences, travelling alone is one of the must do things in ones life. There is nothing as beautiful as that feeling may be that is only for me but it is a must try. Do put amazing places in your bucket list. (Sikkim never fails to amaze you) . If you want some help with travelling alone please check www.jabberspoint.com tips on travelling alone I hope it will be of some help to you. Every journey has something new to teach you.

9. Pet:

If you are my regular reader you will know by now that I put so much emphasis on having pets. They are loyal than some humans out there. So invest all the love you have in them and they will always give you so much in return. Even if they don not stay like my cat Coffee who ran away but what he has given me still puts a smile on my face. Happy memories of mine. If you are a busy person, you can go for cats ( I have written about it too why having a cat as a pet is better www.jabberspoint.com Why cats are the idle pets) or fish or may be why not just love a stray dog at least feed it when you can or adopt a dog it will love you always.

Tips: How to be content with oneself

Everybody feels worthless at one point of time, I have, she has, he did. Even the one whom you think has a perfect life has her own blues to deal with. Happiness is something you create not something you go after. The best way is to be content with who you are, what you have, who you have. Here are a few ways that could actually help you to.

1. Accept yourself:

First learn to deal with your insecurities, know that this is how people actually keep  making you think of yourself lowly. So make peace with it. You should realize that you are wonderfully and fearfully made. Know that you are an unique piece of art, your flaws are what defines you don't let people look down on you because of them, remember how beautifully the wild flower grows from the places you thought were dead. You are that wild flower that can make it through whatever you are going through.

2. Differentiate your needs and wants:

You feel sad when you don't have what your friend has, what is trending, what is fashionable but know that not everything you want is your need. Once you learn to differentiate it you will make you more satisfied with your life, with yourself. Invest in your needs and don't let people rule your life. Remember it is your life, you do what you want to not because someone else thinks you should.

3. Social lies:

Know, not every happy face you see in your Instagram page has that awesome life. You know that it feeds you with lies with edited version of happiness. Even you might be guilty of it but deep down you know all you are doing is living in the make belief world of your own. So try to love, to live the moment that you cannot frame it. Don't waste you potentials by comparing it with the beautiful lies of others.

4. Know you are enough:

Stop letting someone validate your reason of happiness, your reason of existence. Stop putting so much efforts on others. Invest in yourself. You will be there for yourself when everybody leaves.
You stay, even if to just bare the pain but you stay. So take time and love yourself, you will be the best friend you will ever need.

5. Things will fall in place:

People may be unhappy with what they are going through right now, may be dealing with similar to death like experience emotionally or physically. But be content that this is just a phase, good or bad it will pass and one fine day every trouble you went through will make sense, and things will fall into place.

Tips: Why taking time is better than breaking up

Sometimes some relation mean so much to you, but there comes a phase where you both get confused may be because you both haven't got time to communicate properly you have missed what is going in life of your partner  credits to your busy schedule or could be any other reason but deep down you both know that this relation has more capabilities. Rather then breaking up and moving on take a step back and take time. Give your relation a chance that it deserves. Here are why you should think of it 

1. It gives you time:


Take time away from each other. Let each other get enough time to miss the other one,to long to meet, to call, if you feel like you can go on like this without wanting to meet the other or even call, think within if you ever loved the other one truly?

2. You start to invest more:


when you know what the relation mean to you. You start investing more on what you both are missing. If its your lack of communication, talk to them, know what is going on with them, try to meet up, make plans like you used to, eat together, try to include the other one more in your life, in your day to day activity. Try recreating the old memories. May be going out and proposing the other one will create the magic.

3. You open up:


People usually run away from their responsibility of finding what is bothering them and sorting it out. You never go for a new house just because the lights are broken. You mend them. Just as here find the root cause of why you both or just one of you feel like it is time to give up. As long as both your hearts are involved make sure you at least go for the last fight. Give chance even if it is just one of you fighting.

4. You realize:

We usually think from our perspective sometimes put yourself in other's shoe and look at the situation. Just because you think someone will be happy doesn't have to be the same way in their thoughts. Realize how much it meant to you at the very beginning, it is the same person you loved with all their flaws. Starting new? Why not do it with the person you fell in love with. Why let go? 

5. Makes you aware of your last fight:


If it matters to you, give your one best shot at it trust me miracles happen, the bridges that burned down still connects you both. I have seen one so I will say if it matters go for the fight rather then living with the regret, that your ego killed your relation.

Tips: Is It Time To Move On?


When you are in a relationship, you feel like everything is right in your world if that the relation with that one person is right, or vise versa. When in a relationship you are investing very precious things in it like your time, your effort, you let someone else validate your happiness, but there comes a phase which is just stagnant, where you both don't move forward nor backwards unlike the time when you should move on is when you both are in different page, here are few tips that could help you decide whether you are just in a stagnant phase or it is time to move on. Not all relation go through the same phase, sometimes a step back is also needed just as a step forward is. Taking a step back would be taking some time to realize what you both want to do and a step forward would be moving on.


1. Communication:

The priority of the relation is communication. If you don't know what the other is going through, in their day to day life. This does not mean you call them 24 hours a day. When you both can go without talking for several days, not knowing what they have been through or even dead by now. It definitely is a clear hint you should move on if you both are actually doing this to create a distance among you both or may be it is just one of you not responding to the other. There is no one who is so busy that they cannot make an effort to call you or receive your call and have a good conversation may be just for a minute. People who genuinely are busy will at least let you know they are and catch up with you when they can. They wont let you hanging.

2. Instincts:
 
The very moment when the thought of moving on came in your mind, consider the relation was going down because when you are happy with the relation even if it was just stuck in a phase you don't get thoughts about moving on or dropping the relation. The reason you are reading this may also be hinting towards your sub conscious fear of you realizing it is time to move on.

3. Not in the same page:

When I say not in the same page I mean you are crying yourself to sleep and on the other hand he/she is out there partying. Your emotional level are different. You might come up with excuses he/she never shows her feeling but feelings are always felt, remember when somebody said something very good to make your day, you did feel the genuine feeling right? You always feel it.
Don't you think you both are in different page when you say I Love You and he/she replies Thank you? Remember you find love when you aren't looking for it.
 
4. The Third:


It is definitely a sign you both should move on when there is involvement of the third person. You only need the the third pillar when the two gets weak, never blame the third pillar, someone wouldn't come in if you both never let anyone come in. When you or your partner have some one who has more priority in your life apart from family than the love of your life. It is time you should move on.

5. Loving Alone:

Yes, we let down ourselves so much to please others especially the ones you love. But in a relationship you cannot love alone no matter how many things you do alone, you are meant to be there for each other, emotionally as well physically, though you can do it on your own, you have been doing it for a while now being there for yourself as well as for her/him.Why pressurize yourself instead invest everything on yourself. You deserve to be loved, and no one loves you more than you do.

Tips: Trying Out New Places To Eat

Are you someone who is always on the go for new places to eat. Well, we are much alike. I too do not settle down on one restaurant/hotel when it comes to eating. I may come back to the most preferred one most of the time but I do not let the opportunity of trying new places go away. Here are a few tips that could be helpful for you when you go on the hunt for a new place next time.

1. Know about the place:


The place that you are going, may be suggested by a friend or someone you know or may be the place is garnering good reviews. Know about it, like its distance from the nearest vehicle stop, are they providing parking for your  vehicle/bike, what time does it have less people than usual so that you get the seats as well as not spend much time in waiting for your order to come, you do not want to climb 304 steps and come down because the place is full. If you really want to be there on that particular day, best idea would be go before hand and book a table or two and make sure you reach there by the allotted time.

2. Suggestions:


As you may have heard of the place from your friend do not forget to ask what they ate and how it was, you may want to try the same, something you know you won't dislike later, it usually happens to me, I order and the food makes me regret it. If you want to be more daring and try on new things, get some help from the waiting person, they usually know what is being ordered often, that they may suggest you

3. Your companion:


It depends on who you are with, for what to be ordered. If you are with family and very close friends ordering anything is fine as you will laugh it off if the food doesn't turn out to be as good as it was said it would be.But if you are eating out with your professional friends may be your boss, or maybe you are out for your first date, I highly recommend you to stick to foods and drinks you know or if not, order whatever your company has ordered to save yourself from embarrassing moments of food bloopers.

4. Price:

Sometimes, like once in a while it is fine to go to an expensive restaurant and get treated well but in longer term you are supposed to go somewhere affordable. Like if you order mushroom chilly usually for 180 rupees usually then the idea of investing rs 280 would sound a ridiculous.And if you are someone who is ashamed to just leave, ask for a coffee enjoy it and leave. The price should really be affordable for a place to be an attraction amongst the customers. 

5. Products:


The very important thing about trying new places to eat is what is being offered to you to eat. No matter how much the price is; cheap or costly, how good the ambience is, availability of parking place nothing matters if the food you went to get isn't good. So make sure before trying out new places to eat go for suggestions.

Tips: What To Expect From Your Partner

The higher the expectation the harder it hurts when not fulfilled in reality. So it is better to keep expectation to its lowest but it is necessary to have it. Expectation is giving the thought enough power to ruin your happiness by overlooking at it. We keep expecting, no matter how many times we are let down. It in a way gives us happiness in thinking things to turn out the way we want it to, the best way for that to happen is to speak to your partner clearly. Sometimes we expect things and associate happiness to them but the reality is things only gives us the feeling of happiness but not the genuine happiness. Everybody puts an effort the way they know how to. Here are a few things that you should definitely expect from your partner.

1. Respect:

As it is said respect has to be earned but you should always know that you deserve it from your partner. You should expect them to respect youJust the way they deserve. This not only helps you maintain your position in your relationship. Some couples have huge age difference, but that should not be the reason of treating them with disregard and disrespect just because they are so much younger to you. Making fun of each other in private is cute stuff but doing so when you are in company will unintentionally humiliate the other person. Respect each other not just in your partner's presence but mainly in their absence. It is upto you how you want other people to treat your partner.

2. Trust:

An over possessive partner will ruin the relation by making you feel trapped. Trust is what we should get in a relationship so that we have our own space. You both should realise that you are two individuals in love, and individuality is only maintained when you both have that space to choose your friends, make your own choices, decide on your own. Trust is something that nurtures your relation. Be an open book to each other. You need to make them feel secure same goes the other way around. This feeling has to grow within you. Does not matter even if you stay together or miles apart if there is no trust in a relationship the expected outcome is heading towards two different directions. Just like someone said if they intend to cheat they will do so anyhow, even when you are next to them and when they are loyal, nothing can sweep them off the grounds because their roots are deep into you. Experiences with bad past can sometimes hamper the present relation therefore before trusting others trust yourself that you will do justice to the relationship.

3. Time:

We live in a high tech world, where a press of a button is enough to do so many things. Some relation really need the help the technology is providing, because they are staying miles apart. The most convenient way for them to keep their relationship alive but some people really need to stop using their gadgets all the time and share some quality time with their loved ones. When you are giving someone your time; be fair and give them all of it without distraction. People always make time for the ones they care, even if it is just enough to say hi but they do. So if someone has an excuse of being busy all the time you can clearly see what the sign board holds. "Not Interested". Make sure to meet up every once in a while.

4. Support:

Yes, we all have those crazy ideas of what we want to do with our lives. There are also some really important ideas, the ideas that we think defines us for example working as a school teacher rather than a professor because this is what makes you happy. This may not be a good idea at many levels but you know that will make you happy. You will not only be happy but more enthusiastic when you have a supporting partner. There will be many phases when you need a supporting hand, you may be broke financially as well as emotionally a loyal partner will stick to you through your thick and thin. Sometimes it is your partner that needs support, one should do that without being judgemental. 

5. Action more than words:

A thousand "I LOVE YOU" will not suffice if he/she doesn't make you feel loved. He/she may not say they love you but they make you feel loved is more important in a relationship. Action speaks louder than words. We really need to look at how they make us feel rather than what they say they do. When you love somebody you should realise that you do not own them. So you should act like wise. Some people are adventure seekers the moment they have you the adventure is gone and will start looking for another adventure. You should not be afraid of moving out of such relation as soon as possible no matter how must they tell you they love you. You may not think but people always notice the sweet little gestures that you are making for them.